


Scenario 20 – Off With Her Head!

by stranger12



Series: But I’m A–! [20]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-07
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:58:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5376077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stranger12/pseuds/stranger12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rory really should study up on her family tree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scenario 20 – Off With Her Head!

Many times during her life, Rory felt like she was living in a Woody Allen–esque movie, or even like she’d been dragged into a rabbit hole and everything that was up was down, and the people around her were wearing people’s clothes because everything was way too messed up and bizarre.

Actually, things had been weird for a while.

First she got shit faced drunk, then she gave Logan an ultimatum (but not really) and he kind of decided they were going to be girlfriend and boyfriend and she was going to his parents for dinner because his sister (that he never ever told her about!) was getting engaged and it was a Regency type thing where the family may just deny her fiancée entrance into the family, or something. And for some reason, Logan thought it was a great idea for her to meet them in that context.

Fool me once and everything. She liked him being spontaneous and crazy and passionate – but seriously, Logan.

So she went in, his parents and grandfather were pretty cold (she could hear Lorelai chanting in her head, ‘Ice, Ice Baby’), Josh was a meek little mouse (so she guessed that was why he could possibly be unsuitable as a new son of the Huntzberger clan?) and Honor was– Not exactly, or at all, the woman who breezed into her brother’s dorm and turned to Rory with a shark–like grin. Not to mention what a mausoleum the entire house was, I mean, really.

Drinks were tense, and eating the salad was even weirder.

Maybe Rory should’ve known better, it was hard to tell when she couldn’t read her new boyfriend’s family, mainly (or solely) because they were all wearing huge sunglasses. All of them, even Josh. Logan even had one shoved in his hand by a butler as they entered the house, and told rather forcefully to put it on. So, Rory remained the only one to be sunglass–free.

By the time the second course was presented, she was pretty sick of the entire thing, and she wanted so badly to dump Logan and go drown her sorrows in the Huntzbergers’ clearly expensive bar, but, alas, Emily Gilmore’s voice in her head told her that was NOT how a granddaughter of hers acted, so Rory held tight, tight, tight. Until the matriarch of the family, Shira, gave out a scream. Rory was literally in the middle of biting into her first piece of a wonderful squab. So much for that.

“I cannot take this any longer!” – the woman shrieked, slapping the table and rising, almost trembling in wrath.

... Well, okay then.

“Logan, you dare bring one such as her into our sacred house?!” – the woman bellowed.

“Mom, calm down. Ace is not– You know” – the young man tried, but his father also got up, though his anger was much less apparent.

“I agree with your mother” – his head didn’t move from straight at his son – “Miss Gilmore, I’m sorry, but I’m sure you understand why we feel uncomfortable with your presence in our home”

“I do?”

“Lovely!” – Eli cried out – “One of THEM is a jokester! Just what we needed!”

“Granddad” – Logan hissed – “She doesn’t know”

“She doesn’t know?” – the old man snorted – “She doesn’t know?! Don’t be stupid, Logan, of course she knows! How could she possibly walk around and NOT know? SHE KNOWS! SHE HAS TO KNOW!”

“Er, if I may” – Rory said shyly, getting pretty freaked out by the whole thing. Jesus, Logan was, you know, okay in the sack, but she was willing to give it up if it meant spending another moment with such weirdoes.

“You may not!” – Shira exclaimed – “You most certainly may NOT say a word, young lady! You have come to spread discord and your filthy poison, but I shall not have it for a moment longer!”

“What–? What discord? What poison?” – like, seriously, WHAT?

“Don’t pretend you do not know!” – Eli took over – “I’m sure your dear grandmother” – he spat – “has been quick to teach you all about your family’s–!” – he made a vague motion – “Wiles!”

Ooh, okay now. Emily Gilmore and WILES?

Emily Gilmore’s WILES? Had they ever met Emily Gilmore?

“Look, I don’t know exactly what you guys–”

“You need to end this right now! This joke has gone on for too long!” – Mitchum finally pitched in on the conversation, his face cold as he looked straight ahead at his wife – “Logan” – he barked and the young man jumped.

“Dad”

“You cannot think that this can possibly work out! Even if she’s not– If she doesn’t know, it can’t go on” – Shira urged him – “Son, please, for the family”

“I really don’t know what’s going on here” – Rory said after a beat – “But I’m pretty sure this is the time to walk away” – she turned to Logan, who turned his head slightly away from her – “But. Just to clarify, in case I have another case of insanity and decide to date another guy from society with an equally–” – messed up? Insane? Bizarre? – “challenging family. What ARE you guys even talking about?”

And seriously. Her grandmother’s WILES.

“... Maybe this is a conversation for you to have with your grandmother” – Mitchum said, suddenly a little subdued.

“You’re kicking me out of your house, you’re making my boyfriend of all of one day dump me. I’m pretty sure I deserve at least an explanation as to why” – Rory said, standing her ground.

“Such a waste” – Honor bemoaned, shaking her head and reaching for her water.

“I agree with my husband, you should speak to your grandmother about your, hum, how shall I put it?”

“Emily Gilmore’s family proclivities for cold blooded little demons” – Eli said dryly.

“... Cold blooded what?”

“You are either the best actress in the world, or your grandmother has been very negligent” – Shira tsked.

“I– Okay, I think I’m just going to–” – Rory stood up and surveyed the family and sighed – “And could you guys seriously take off those glasses? It’s pretty ridiculous”

She thought they all traded looks, though it was incredibly difficult to tell.

“Perhaps... That would not be the wisest thing, miss Gilmore” – Mitchum said slowly – “I’m sure your grandmother will be able to explain why”

“Why you’re all weirdoes who insist on wearing sunglasses indoors?” – Rory blurted out. Honor stifled a giggle and Logan sighed deeply.

“We are not ‘weirdoes’, thank you” – Shira sniffed – “We are merely careful”

“About what!”

“About you, miss Gilmore” – Mitchum said smoothly – “Believe me, our ancestors have fallen for pretty faces such as yours, such as your grandmother’s, and no one on this table and so forth will ever fall into your family’s claws ever again”

Well, what can you say about THAT? Not much, Rory imagined.

“Okay, so, hum, I’m gonna go now” – she said – “Logan, it’s been fun, but maybe we shouldn’t... Hang out anymore”

“Sorry, Ace”

“Yeah, me too” – not really, but, anyway – “Is there anyway anyone call a cab for me?”

“Oh no, one of our drivers can take you” – Mitchum replied – “But I’m sure everyone would feel better if you waited for it outside. He’ll be right out”

“Okay then, it was, hum, nice to meet you all”

“Likewise, miss Gilmore” – Shira said, mouth twitching – “I apologize if we were a little harsh, but we deeply appreciate your understanding of our situation”

“I really don’t understand any of it, but I’m pretty sure it is for the best after all. I’ll see myself out. Thank you for– A memorable night, if nothing else”

“Goodbye, miss Gilmore” – Eli said solemnly, holding his glass up – “Do be careful in the future, please”

“Careful?” – the old man grinned slowly.

“There are many who would not be as kind and forgiving as we were tonight. You be sure to tell your grandmother as much. She’ll know what I mean”

“I, hum. Yes, sure, I’ll tell her. So... Bye” – she turned and only didn’t run because of her heels, and because she wasn’t too sure the Huntzbergers would call an ambulance or something, were she to get hurt under their roof.

As she waited outside for the supposed driver, she thought long and hard about what could possibly have triggered Logan’s family’s reaction to her, and what they meant by Emily’s wiles. Seriously. What wiles?

“Cold blooded demons” – she mumbled under her breath.

“Miss Gilmore?” – a man in a dark uniform said politely, motioning for her to enter a black car. She smiled briefly at him, noticing his sunglasses, and kept back a sigh as she went in.

She thought about calling her mother, maybe she would know what the whole thing was all about. Or maybe she should even head straight to Hartford to ask her grandmother about her (she snorted at the thought) wiles, but in the end, she just asked the driver to go to Yale. She’d wallow for a bit at the loss of Logan’s pretty face and hot presence in her life and then she’d move on with her life and use this night as an anecdote. Yeah, that was a plan.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name” – she said, looking to the front. The driver had removed his sunglasses (mercifully), and he looked at her reflection in his mirror.

“Marcel, miss”

“Nice to meet you, Marcel” – the girl said gently and with a smile, and their eyes crossed in the mirror.

Much later, Rory would lay on a hospital bed and whisper to herself about old myths, and when her grandmother came to visit her, she would keep her eyes glued to her shadow on the walls.

How had she ever missed the little cold blooded demons on her grandmother’s head? And on the subject, how difficult were they to manage? Because, she very much liked having no fuss, no muss hair. And snakes didn’t look like they were that low maintenance.

What else now? First Logan, then his family, then the snakes.

God.


End file.
